…and I’m not just talking about the scale, though the scale did move in the right direction – I weighed in 1.2 down! And yes, I did another little dance on the scale. I think this might be a new thing for me – scale jigging!
But, what’s really great is I’m showing myself I can go upstate & still have a positive outcome on the scale. This is big for me…no it’s HUGE! When I go upstate, I’m not only in that “vacation mindset” where I feel I can take a break from everything – including food control, but I get into this emotional battle. When I say I’m going upstate it’s not just to any place, it’s my childhood home, the house my parents built with their own two hands. The place where every Christmas was magical and where so many every day memories come rushing full force at me. The reason why so many of these happy memories are so hard is that all my family is gone. My Mom, Dad, Grammie & Brother. So when I visit up there I not only think of the good, but I can’t help but think how they’re gone. What do I always do, but turn to food. Food will always be there. Food will fill this huge void I have in my heart. The food gives me the comfort I need…but only at that moment. Soon after I realize what I’ve done & then comes the battles I have within. “Why? Why did you lose control again?” “Did this really help?” “Did this bring them back?” I still don’t know why food is what I turn to, maybe because it’s always there? I’m not really sure, but I’m taking this all in & taking it one day at a time.